Three Rules to Live By
Handy Guide to the Grammys
by: john j. ryan
List of 1999 Grammy Award Winners
have been watching the Grammys for the past five years, (and
if you have, you must REALLY love awards shows), you might
have noticed that when it comes to handing out Grammys, there
are three basic rules to live by:
The dead nominee ALWAYS wins.
fails. Roy Orbison won a Grammy after his death. A few years
ago, Natalie Cole swept the grammys after she sang with her
dead father. And of course, George Solti, former conducter
of the Chicago Symphony, seems to win every year, except this
year. This year, a new classical mainstay died, choral conducter
Robert Shaw. He won all three Grammys he was nominated for.
So remember, if they're dead, they will win!
If an award is given in which one of the nominees has just
performed, that nominee will win if it is the only Grammy
they are to receive during the telecast (Awards given before
the telecast don't count).
my favorite rule. Have you ever wondered why someone who just
performed comes out just minutes later to collect a Grammy?
This is no coincidence, even one of the Dixie Chicks said
so. (Look at their acceptance speech in Real Video: http://www.channel2000.com/Video/accept5.ram)
The Dixie Chicks were the only exception to this rule, when
Shania Twain performed and then the Dixie Chicks won an award
in which Shania was nominated. But 6 out of 9 times during
the telecast, when an award was given with a nominee that
had just performed, that nominee won. Some examples: Madonna
(1st to perform, and gee, what is the 1st award given out?),
Ricky Martin, and Alanis Morisettee. When Alanis performed,
the announcer announced a different award to be given out,
one without Alanis as a nominee, and the presenters changed
the award given to something with Alanis as a nominee! And
guess who was last to perform, that's right, Lauryn Hill.
She performs, and the album of the year is presented. What
a coincidence! Just watch next year when they do this rule
yet again, it makes the Grammys SO predictable. All you need
to know is the performers list is the winners list.
Generally, the nominee that appeals to people over the age
of 50 will win.
a rule that has lost some ground over the years with the Grammys
trying to become more "hip". However, the rule still holds
true for a lot of awards.
missed her cue after the first commercial. She was talking
with the crowd, telling Aaron Neville to "Sit his ass down!"
Frankly, I think some of her banter with the crowd when she
thought she was off camera was better than the garbage the
writers gave to her as material. Someone hire the Tony writers
for the Grammys as well!
Tyler missed his cue when he began to sing, "I Don't Want
To Miss A Thing." He didn't start singing until the 2nd line
of the song. Also, the two cello players starting playing
1 measure after the pre-taped (straight from the record) began
Rosie announced "Here to present the next award is Brandy
& Monica." Out comes Will & Jada Smith! They weren't quite
sure about stepping out because obviously their names were
not mentioned, but they were urged on by the producers to
go on ahead. That same taped announced was made when the real
appearance by Brandy & Monica occured!
there is my Grammy take for this year. I will be watching
next year to see if they actually learn from their many mistakes.
And if they win an Emmy for the show, and the Emmys (If not
already) are going to be in the same hole as the Grammys!
J. Ryan *
* Mason Gross School of the Arts - Rutgers University *
the views in this article are not necessarily the views held
by Music-Critic.com - although we do agree that the Grammys
were a total joke. Billy would also like to add that Rosie
O'Donnel can die.
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