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The
Gomers
Salt and Sugar
label: Beeftone Records
released: 2001
our score: 0.0 out of 5.0
buy it: here
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“I’ve always enjoyed the Gomers’
music, in large part, because they suck” – Tom Laskin
With
a quote like that on the back of the jewel case, it’s really
hard to know where to begin. If you love bands because they suck,
surely the world is your oyster. Me, I’m old fashioned.
If a band sucks, I dislike them, in large part, because they do.
The
Gomers are like a fart joke marathon at a sci-fi convention. Don’t
get me wrong, I love humor, but I tend to like it funny. “My
Dad” is a song about having the Pope as a father. (“some
say he’s super holy, some say he’s cleaner than soap”)
“I Am An Antenna” is about, you guessed it, being
an antenna. (“I am an antenna, I’m made of copper
wire”) Unsurprisingly, The Gomers have a Star Trek song,
titled “Start Wreck” that contains such sloth-witted
gems as “I don’t want to be a jerk, but I am just
like Captain Kirk”. I suppose what Tom Laskin meant in the
quote above was that rarely is such a pure specimen of inanity
found in the wild. But to me that’s like admiring someone
for being the first person to put candy corn in a piece of shit
and try selling it to the Musem of Modern Art. There is such a
thing as being uselessly original.
Musically,
there’s nothing worth mentioning, so I’ll just kill
time. They sound like a bunch of middle aged men with a few dog-eared
Zappa LPs who play office Christmas parties. “Tanze
Herr Whoren, Tanz” is a torturous polka completely in German,
made more pleasant than the other songs only because I don’t
speak German. On “Capital City Band” one can only
sit through several sitcom saxophone riffs because suicide probably
hurts. “Everything’s Dumb” sloppily robs the
vitality of punk rock. “Rustlin’ Ushers” is
about as country as the theme to Sheriff Lobo (“Cause he’s
our Sheriff Lobo/Mighty Sheriff Lobo”). Their philosophy
seems to be: leave no genre unmurdered. While I can’t stand
Weird Al, I can at least appreciate that his parodies take satirical
jabs at cultural icons. The Gomers don’t even pretend to
have a point, something that I suppose we should be thankful for.
If you’re twelve or over thirty and
still throwing role playing game parties for your friends, this
CD will probably sound so fucking cool. That is, until you lose
your virginity. For everyone else, this is to be avoided like
chatty religious fundamentalists. I’d rather have a river
fluke climb the arc of my urine and lay eggs in my cock than ever
listen to this again.
17-Aug-2003
9:00 AM
If you
liked Salt and Sugar...
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Tracklist:
1. Salt and
Sugar
2. I'm an Antenna
3. Love Letters to Rob Fetters
4. My Dad
5. Tanze Herr Whoren, Tanz
6. Capital City Band
7. Everything's Dumb
8. Start Wreck
9. Super New Deluxe Thrill Show
10. When You're New
11. Rustlin' Ushers
12. YUK
13. Perpetually New
14. And When We Drive...
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